The Middle Seat

Photo Credit: Dallas Star Tribune

Air travel is a frequent part of my life routine right now. As I was on a plane headed home the other day I decided to take a trip to the bathroom. On my way to the back of the plane I noticed that the plane wasn’t all that full and there weren’t many people sitting in the middle seats on the plane. After all, who really likes to sit in the middle seat? I sure don’t, and I don’t know many people that do. If you fly Southwest Airlines at all, you might know that the running joke is that “Group C” stands for “Center” seat, because by the time you get to board that’s all that’s left. In fact, you can even pay extra to move your boarding position up, lowering your chances of being in the C group and getting a center seat!

When you are in the middle seat you don’t have the benefit of the window to see where you are going and you don’t have the comfort of the aisle to be able to easily escape from where you are to where you came from. You have to fight over arm rests with two people you might not even know and you have the potential to have to be “climbed” over and climb over someone else to get anywhere should you need to during the flight. I thought to myself, the middle seat on a plane is a lot like being in the middle of a situation in life. It’s not always very comfortable, and usually not desirable.

Right now I feel stuck in the “middle seat,” in life. A little over three years ago, I found out that I was unable to help conceive children. It had always been a dream of mine to have a family and have children with my wife. Despite medicine’s great advances and modern technology at that point it just wasn’t going to be a possibility. For years I’ve struggled with insecurity, shame, sadness, feelings of being inadequate as a mate; unable to provide the one thing I knew my wife wanted more than anything. I struggled with questions of sperm donation and adoption and really feeling like these things would somehow make my “fatherhood” less, but more importantly make me feel less a part of the process. I had never been used to someone telling me I couldn’t do something and not being able to prove them wrong. I’ve prayed and prayed for a miracle. It hasn’t come. I’m in the middle of something, something that will require a miracle to fix.

In the summer of 2016 we moved back to Illinois after my residency and fellowship. 5 hard years of time consuming, life enveloping, medical training for me. It was a time that taught me how to be the best doctor I could for my patients, but at the same time, a time that took away a part of who I was before it started. Finally, we moved and it was time to reclaim that part of life and move out of the middle seat into a new horizon and season with my wife. Nine months ago my wife walked out the door and hasn’t returned. She is on the path to divorce. I’ve struggled with feelings of guilt, shame, inadequacy, loneliness, anger, hurt, and sadness. I’m in the middle of something, and short of a miracle my marriage to the love of my life will be no more.

During the beginning of our separation time I was in the preparation stages for a major exam in my professional career. A couple of months into that time, I sat for that exam. You can only imagine how it went. Yes, I failed! I struggled with feelings of failure and questioned my professional calling. I’m in the middle of something. I will have the opportunity to take the exam again but not without the added costs of repeating the preparation process, time, and money.

A couple of months after that, 5 minutes before the monthly staff meeting that I was set to run after I had just worked an overnight shift, I was told by my company that it was giving up the contract at our hospital in 90 days. As medical director, not only would I be out of a job there, but I now had to go in and tell all of my other doctors that they would be as well. I struggled with feelings of anger, uncertainty, doubt, and fear. I’m in the middle of something. I’m thankful I have another job now but it’s not what I expected to be doing at this point in my life.

I’m about to turn 36 next month. I’m headed towards the middle of my life. I gained about 15 pounds through this process and am not able to take it off as quickly as I’m used to. Of course where do I carry this weight? In the middle! I’m reminded of a time when I was much more overweight and didn’t feel good about my self-image. I’m in the middle of something. I’m not where I thought I’d be and I struggle. God on the other hand is not surprised by our middle seat or the struggles that are associated with it. He told us they would be there:

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

So what exactly is so good about the middle seat? Is there anything good about the middle seat? Why is it that God allows us to be in the middle seat, sometimes for what seems like an eternity!

As I’m sitting here writing this and contemplating this question, I am also enjoying a very yummy double stuffed Oreo. My favorite part of the Oreo is the icing. Its why I am eating a double stuffed Oreo. because I get twice the icing and only have two of the outside cookie shells instead of four! But where is this yummy icing? Yes, it’s in the middle! Proof that sometimes there is something good about the middle:

THE MIRACLE IS IN THE MIDDLE

This year’s Bible reading project was a trip through the Old Testament. Nothing, says December like a trip through the minor prophets! As I’ve taken the journey this year I’m reminded of several stories where people were stuck in the middle and had to go through a process before they saw their miracle or fulfilled their ultimate purpose.

Abraham, at the age of 75 and with no children, was told by God to pick up and move where God was sending him because he was going to be the father of many nations. (I can’t help but starting to sing Father Abraham had many sons and many sons had father Abraham):

“The Lord had said to Abram, “Leave your country, your people, and your father’s household and go to the land where I will show you. I will make you into a great nation and I will bless you; I will make your name great and you will be a blessing. I will bless those who bless you, and whoever curses you I will curse; and all peoples on earth will be blessed through you.” Genesis 12:1-3

Through this process Abraham had major doubts about this process. Heck, if I were over 75 years old and my wife was equally old I’d have some doubts too!

“O Sovereign Lord what can you give me since I remain childless…You have given me no children; so a servant in my household will be my heir.” Genesis 15: 2-3

 In fact, Abraham and his wife Sarai had so many doubts that they thought they’d try to help God along in his own plan and Sarai suggested that Abraham sleep with her maidservant and that would be the way to fulfill God’s plan for them to build a family.

“The Lord has kept me from having children. Go sleep with my maidservant; perhaps I can build a family through her.” Genesis 16:2

But when Abraham was 99 years old, an angel of the Lord appeared to Sarai to start what would be the fulfillment of his promise:

“The angel of the Lord also said to her: “You are now with child and you will have a son. You shall name him Ishmael for the Lord has heard of your misery.” Genesis 16:11

The miracle came, the promise was fulfilled, but it was only after Abraham and Sarai had been through something, after they had been in the middle seat for 25 years.

Joseph began having Godly visions at the age of 17. Shortly thereafter he was sold in to slavery by his jealous brothers (Daniel, Kirstin, and Derik don’t think about getting any ideas!). Thereafter he was thrown into jail for refusing to sleep with Potiphar’s wife. He was even forgotten by the cupbearer who promised to put in a good word for him. But God was with Him:

“But while Joseph was there in the prison, the Lord was with him; he showed him kindness and granted him favor in the eyes of the prison warden.” Genesis 39:20-21

It wasn’t until 13 years later that Joseph was then put in charge of the whole land of Egypt and he was able to tell his brothers:

“Do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you.” Genesis 45:5

It was only after Joseph had been through something, after he sat in the middle seat that he was able to save his people and his family and realize the miracle was in the middle.

Moses had a call on his life from the very beginning of his life. His name literally means “to pull out/or draw out” symbolic of both his literal pulling out of the water by Pharaoh’s daughter and his larger role of delivering the Israelites out of the hand of the Egyptians. But even though he would eventually save the Israelites he had to go through something. He had to sit in the middle seat before he got there. It was only after he decided to take matters into his own hands and kill an Egyptian, only after Pharaoh attempted to kill him, only after he had fled to another land, where in the middle of a desert God spoke to Him in a burning bush and said:

I will be with you. And this will be the sign to you that it is I who have sent you: When you have brought the people out of Egypt, you will worship God on this mountain. (Exodus 3:22)

It was only after Moses had been through something and sat in the middle seat for about 40 years before God revealed himself to Moses and promised that the very place that he was sitting in his “middle seat” would be the same mountain on which he would later worship God for deliverance.

Three demonstrations of God’s miracle in the middle and I’ve only touched on parts of Genesis and Exodus. So it seems like maybe there is a purpose for the middle. But what is it? I think it’s this:

The middle seat makes us uncomfortable enough with our own strength that we realize our need for reliance on God’s principles and power, and forces us to focus our attention on his presence and his promise. It’s when you move from the middle seat to the window seat and you’re able to see the miracle and journey ahead clearly, that there is no question to you or anyone else that it was truly the hand of God. It is in this way that you become a living testimony and God receives the glory for all he has done through you.

While I was thankful not to have to sit in the middle seat on the plane, here I am in the middle seat of many of my life’s toughest situations. They are still not easy and I am still going to struggle with the emotions and the questions. But at least I take hope in the fact that the miracle is often truly in the middle seat. I can’t wait to look out that window and see God’s provision.

How about you? What seat are you in today? Are you in the aisle seat, not committing to anything just in case you feel the need to run off the plane and be the first one out? I encourage you to seek out where it may be time to move into the middle seat and be challenged. The aisle may get you out first but you are still going to have to wait for your baggage like everyone else. On this plane of life, we all come with baggage. There is no avoiding it! Don’t run away too fast from the things God has for you just because you don’t think you are going to be very comfortable getting there. Are you in the middle seat like me? It’s a really tough and often sad a lonely place to be, I know! Be encouraged that God does have a plan. I pray that he will give your strength in the waiting and hope in the promise he has for you. I pray for you “middle seaters” every day even as I pray for myself. Are you in the window seat? Have you seen God’s miracle and his promises to you fulfilled? That’s awesome! I rejoice with you!  Would you take the time to be an encouragement to the two people sitting next to you?

No matter what seat people are sitting on in the plane there are two things that they have in common; there are other people on the plane sitting in the same type of seat as them, and everyone trusts that the pilot is going to get them where they are going. Sometimes it just takes some extra strength and patience to sit in the middle seat. Will you trust God with me today?

“He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion” Philippians 1:6