The Beginning: Faith, Doubt and Doing Life Together

As I sit here late at night, it’s one of those nights where the struggles of life are so real and weigh heavy on my heart. I have so much to be thankful for and yet at the same time there are big holes in my heart from some the biggest battles in key areas of my life. Since I was a little kid I have always thought of myself as having a strong faith in God, and through many of life’s struggles I have professed “God is good,” “God is faithful,” “God has got this under control.” But in this moment and others like it along the last 9 months I find myself asking, “God are you there?, are you really the one?” What do you do? Where do you turn when life’s circumstances have led you to the point where you start to question the very foundation of what you have always believed to be true? As I sat here tonight and found myself in one of those moments where I find I have more questions than answers, more doubt than I seemingly have strength for, I read the following:

“When John heard in prison what Christ was doing, he sent his disciples to ask him, “Are you the one who was to come, or should we expect someone else?” Matthew 11:2-3

After I read that I thought to myself, wait a minute?! John is doubting if Jesus is really who he says he is?! This is the guy who several verses later (v10) Jesus reminds us that it was foretold earlier in the old testament:

“See, I will send my messenger, who will prepare the way before me.”Malachi 3:1

This is the guy who Jesus comes to to be baptized. The guy who said, “Look the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!” (John 1:29) and “I saw the Spirit come down from heaven as a dove and remain on him. I would not have known him, except that the one who sent me to baptize with water told me, “the man on whom you see the Spirit come down and remain is he who will baptize with the Holy Spirit. I have seen and I testify that this is the Son of God.” (John 1:32)

A man who was closest to God, who had a literal face to face encounter and experience with the almighty, because of His current situation was questioning that reality.

My first thought was, wow I guess I shouldn’t feel that bad! Even someone with John’s first-hand experience had doubts! Then I remembered, John was human, just like me…..and just like you. As a result even in the face of the greatest “God” experiences, the trials of life can cause the biggest doubts. So where’s the help?

After hearing John’s question Jesus could have run back to the prison and answered him face to face. Or, he could have sent him some sort of sign or a miracle. But he didn’t. So what did he do? He used the experiences of people, ordinary people like you and me. Some of John’s closest friends or “disciples.”:

Jesus replied, “Go back and report to John what you hear and see: The blind receive sight, the lame walk, those who have leprosy are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised, and the good news is preached to the poor.” Matthew 11:5

I think the same is true today. No matter how strong your faith, no matter how much you believe in God, life’s circumstances sometimes have a cruel way of injecting doubt and fear. In those moments as you search for God, and his divine intervention, it doesn’t always come in the form of some grandiose sign or miracle. Sometimes it comes in hearing about the experiences of others, encouraging words, or the prayers of those around you. I’m learning that more and more each day.

I don’t know why God doesn’t always answer in ways that to me, seem in line with his word. I won’t have the answers for why bad things happen even when you are doing your best. But even in the midst of doubt, I am learning that God does use others to serve as conduits of his love and support to one another. He uses others’ struggles as well as successes to teach and to encourage along the way. In the process we can live life together. It is for that reason it is written,:

“Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep.” Romans 12:15

With this blog I hope to find a voice to share my life with you; my struggles, my successes. At the same time I hope you might find insight and encouragement and see that while our struggles are not the same, we all have them and can do life together in the midst of them. I pray that we can both rejoice and weep together. Thank you for joining me on this journey called life.